Trivia Teammate Thomas

So earlier this week I went to trivia night. Not intentionally, it just kinda happened (That’s what she said?). IT all started out innocently enough with some happy hour “house” wine (not sure what that even consists of when you’re at a small chain pizza place, but hey, I drank a few glasses and I’m not complaining) and of course some CHEESY BREAD (I need to plan out a blog post solely about my love of cheese. No, maybe a novel). ANYWAYs then this nice little teacher came around with notepads and paper and pens and we decided to get our trivia on!

It wasn’t until she announced the scores at halftime that my confidence started waning. The questions were SO HARD. I was ecstatic when Stef’s boyfriend knew a couple of them and I honestly thought we were doing pretty well. UNTIL SHE ANNOUNCED THE SCORES. She said our team name second. Which apparently means you’re second to last. I just don’t see how that’s possible unless everyone was googling the answers (cheaters!).

The whole evening reminded me of why I hate Jeopardy. Sometimes when I was younger we’d watch it while we ate dinner and it was like a race for everyone else to answer it first. It honestly was just stressful and not enjoyable whatsoever. Gimme some re-runs of Friends please. But then I got to college. And my roommates would watch it and shout out answers all competitively with each other. Again, no thank you. I’ll be in my room watching “Because I Said So” for the millionth time. On my sad, tiny, borrowed tv. Bye Felicia.

I have to admit that after I found out we were in second to last place-from which we swiftly fell into last place-I was feeling pretty lousy. Yes, the trivia coordinator slash master of ceremonies if you will, said that these were the toughest questions for the month, but still. I mean, last place?! What would my parents who so generously paid for five years of college say? What about my favorite high school teacher who gave me my sash for National Honor Society think? What a disappointment I’d become on this unholiest of days.

But my disappointment in myself quickly turned into something  more extreme. DISLIKE FOR MOST OF THE OTHER TEAMS. I say “most,” only because I’m excluding from my hatred the adorable, amazing, Kansas-City-rootin’ elderly couple sitting next to us. My heart could burst for them.

Anyways, back to the rest of our competitors…they suck. LET’S just get on down to brass tax. They aren’t the kind of people I would hang out with on a Saturday night. OR A TUESDAY NIGHT FOR THAT MATTER. These are the people in your office or class who are going on for ten minutes about whatever it is that captured them in that moment that they know more about than you. Which is everything. Did you catch that? Everything. You may be asking where this so called genius went to college, but that doesn’t matter. Community College, 4-year institution, no college at all…none of that matters. All that matters is that you understand that you will NEVER know as much useless bullshit as that individual. Now, you may be thinking, oh yea, but they don’t have a social life. But again, you would be wrong! They clearly have SOME acquaintances because they’re at trivia night ON THEIR TEAM! Now, to be fair, I have a sneaking suspicion that a lot of these teammates probably hate each other as much as we hate them. Think about it: In your office, Teammate Steve is the holder of all bullshit facts. Well Teammate Thomas is the holder of bullshit facts in his office. Tuesday’s Trivia Night rolls around and it’s like some sort of ritualistic competition to show who is smarter. And by smarter, I do in fact mean who can hold more bullshit, useless facts in their brain. These teams are built up of the most obnoxious, annoying, worst kind of people. They have to come to trivia night where they have a captive audience to display their collection of useless facts like it’s some sort of swap-meet of sorts.

And to think, I got suckered in. Well anyways, next week I won’t be their captive audience because I will be seeing GONE GIRL! Seems like a much happier captive audience to me.



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